Goodbye for now...

So, today I read the blogs of two dear friends of mine.  Do you know this quote from Richard Bach in Illusions? 


The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.  Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof. 


This is why I call both of these men brother.  I don't get to see them that often, but this respect and joy in each other's lives is the key.  Not surprisingly, some of their recent blogs mirrored my own... or my own if I had been actively blogging.  They motivated me to start this blog, and now they are motivating me to 'get on it'.  Check out their blogs - Spirit of  Lewis and Blair's Corner.  Good stuff.  Blair's most recent blog inspired this one.

So, here I am, typing.  This one is a bit serious, but part of living with intention is being present in every moment, not just the easy ones.


When my dad first was diagnosed with Progressive Supranuclear Palsy in March of 2011, I went home to visit and ended up being his caregiver for one night... getting up with him every 60-90 minutes. It was a gift to have that time with him, but for the next 3 weeks I slept through the night twice, waking up on that schedule. I was a mess. Trazodone has been my friend since then. I try sleeping without it about once a week, and each time I am right back to the restless sleep with 'tapes' playing - I'm late, I forgot, I'm being chased... not exactly conducive to restful sleep.  Along with the tapes, I tend to wake up for hours, or wake up early and be unable to get to sleep. My dad had that type of sleep for at least 6 months that I am aware of, but I think for several months before that.  My father's strength and good nature were an example for all, and every day he inspires me to be stronger and live with intention and kindness as he did. 


I have been the Queen of Great Sleep my entire life... I could sleep anywhere, go directly back to sleep if awakened, sleep sitting up... you name it, if it was about sleep I was an expert.  I couldn't imagine NOT being able to sleep, and it was even more unfathomable that I would require a medication to sleep well.  I don't typically take much in the way of medicine, but I have learned in the past 7 months that sometimes your brain needs help to stay balanced so that you can spend less time on surviving and more time on living.


I thought my sleep might settle down once my dad had transitioned, but it has not.  


I miss him more every day. 


There have been so many loved ones in my family (see quote above) who have transitioned in the past year, and I'd like to take a moment to remember them.  


Eleanor, Blair's mother, a lady I was privileged to call mom, November 12, 2010
Samson, my 18 y.o. lover of a tiger cat, December 3, 2010
Cocoa, my 13 y.o. sweet yet feisty nephew pup, September 11, 2011  
Dean, my dear dad, the kindest and strongest person I've known, September 29, 2011
Edith, my brother-in-law's sweet mom, October 13, 2011
Scott, aka Superman, another kind and strong man from my hometown, 11/1/11


Two more quotes from Richard that have been helpful this year:


Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.
And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends. 

---

The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. 

Good Day, Sunshine!

71 degrees today in Portland.  Sunshine all day.  Sunscreen required.  The perfect day to start gardening... well, weeding.  Pulling out and getting rid of the stuff that I don't want... that won't be helpful to the garden I'm planning - that won't help it to grow.  I learned the hard way last year that the pretty weeds with flowers have to go, too.  They drain the soil and usurp the water as much as the thorny weeds.  Those weeds that spew seeds when you touch them... it ends up those start off with cute little white flowers that develop into those nasty weed seeds.  Live and learn.

This concept of weeding can be used in other aspects of life.  I'm finding myself simplifying - my relationships, my belongings, my goals, my expectations.  I'm doing some personal weeding - purging  those things that seem fun or useful but that, in fact, end up draining my energy and my time.  A friend pointed out to me that people often keep themselves busy to self distract, to avoid introspection.  That, my friends, is not intentional living.  So, here I sit, writing my first blog on the day I remembered, again, to live with intention. I'm remembering to slow down, read a book in the sun, smell the roses (okay, those aren't blooming yet, smell the blue bells), and just be with myself.  Living with intention is just that... remembering, daily, what I want to do and be.  It will have to revisited again and again...as will the weeding.